جک های کامپیوتری

Types of Girls...

Types of Girls...

Hard Disk Girls:
She remembers everything, FOREVER.

RAM Girls:
She forgets about you, the moment you turn her off.

CD-ROM Girls:
She is always faster and faster.

Windows Girls:
Everyone knows that she can’t do a thing right, but no one can live without her.

Multimedia Girls:
She makes horrible things look beautiful.

Screensaver Girls:
She is good for nothing but at least she is fun!

Internet Girls:
Difficult to access.

Server Girls:
Always busy when you need her.

E-Mail Girls:
Every ten things she says, eight are nonsense.

Virus Girls:
Also known as “WIFE”; when you are not expecting her, she comes, installs herself and uses all your resources. If you try to uninstall her you will lose something, if you don’t try to uninstall her … you will lose everything.. ...!
o

******************
Microsoft Error Message Writer

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer. When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"

Now, he works for Microsoft, writing error messages.

*****************


Types of Girls...

Types of Girls...

Hard Disk Girls:
She remembers everything, FOREVER.

RAM Girls:
She forgets about you, the moment you turn her off.

CD-ROM Girls:
She is always faster and faster.

Windows Girls:
Everyone knows that she can’t do a thing right, but no one can live without her.

Multimedia Girls:
She makes horrible things look beautiful.

Screensaver Girls:
She is good for nothing but at least she is fun!

Internet Girls:
Difficult to access.

Server Girls:
Always busy when you need her.

E-Mail Girls:
Every ten things she says, eight are nonsense.

Virus Girls:
Also known as “WIFE”; when you are not expecting her, she comes, installs herself and uses all your resources. If you try to uninstall her you will lose something, if you don’t try to uninstall her … you will lose everything.. ...!
o

******************
Microsoft Error Message Writer

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer. When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"

Now, he works for Microsoft, writing error messages.
o


******************

مكالمات كاربران باهوش! با بخش پشتيباني بدبخت!


Deleted File

Caller: 'I deleted a file from my PC last week and I have just realised that I need it. If I turn my system clock back two weeks; will I have my file back again?


Right-click

Tech Support: 'I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop'.

Customer: 'OK'.

Tech Support: 'Did you get a pop-up menu?'.

Customer: 'No'.

Tech Support: 'OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?'

Customer: 'No'.

Tech Support: 'OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?'.

Customer: 'Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click''.


OK Button

Tech Support: 'Well. In the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?'

Customer: 'Wow. How can you see my screen from there?'


Samsung Electronics

Caller: 'Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?'

Operator: 'I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about'.

Caller: 'On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?'

Operator: 'I think you mean the telephone point on the wall'.



WordPerfect Customer Support

This has got to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for 'Termination without Cause'.

Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. (Now I know why they record these conversations!):


Employee: Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?
Well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect.

What sort of trouble?
Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.

Went away?
Yes, they disappeared.

Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?
Nothing.

Nothing?
It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.

Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?
How do I tell?

Can you see the crompt on the screen?
What's a sea-prompt?

Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?
There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type.

Does your monitor have a power indicator?
What's a monitor?

It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?
I don't know.

Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?
Yes, I think so.

Great! Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.
Yes, it is.

When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?
No.

Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.
Okay, here it is.

Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer.
I can't reach.

Uh huh. Well can you see if it is?
No.

Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?
Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle. It's because it's dark.

Dark?
Yes, the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.

Well, turn on the office light then.
I can't.

No? Why not?
Because there's a power outage.

A power....A power outage?
Aha!

Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the box and manuals and packing stuff you computer came in?
Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.

Good! Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.
Really?

Is it that bad?
Yes, I'm afraid it is. Well, all right then, I suppose.

What do I tell them?
Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer!